Sen. John Boehner (R-Ohio) called a press conference today to settle once and for all the pronunciation of his comically-spelled name that inevitably draws snickers from males of all ages across the country.
"I call upon all of us," Boehner said to a restless crowd in Washington D.C. earlier today, "to come together; the time for reconciliation is at hand. We must get past partisanship and recognize that it's pronounced 'BAY-ner'. Not 'boner'."
To be sure, a number of smirks were heard throughout the crowd gathered to hear the senator speak.
"Look, I've been teased about my name for as long as I can remember," Boehner continued, sternly looking across the crowd, though a hint of touching pensiveness and nostalgia seemed to cross his face. The senator faltered and stammered for a few moments, appearing as if he was attempting to stifle some tears before continuing:
"It's just not funny anymore, it's just not." He shook his head and seemed unable to continue and walked off-stage, visibly shaken.
Reports of riotous, collapse-inducing laughter following his spokesperson's subsequent statement because it contained the word "duty" are still coming in.